My alarm went off at 6:40 this morning. The first day back to school after winter break for my 5 year old. My husband, by my request, is sleeping on the sofa downstairs. No, we did not have an argument. He is there for my family's peace of mind.
Jim, the landlord, is still in jail. Thank God. He did not call today. Again, thank God.
After driving my son to the bus this morning, I received a call from the doctor's office. They called to say the therapist I was to see this morning, was out today and I needed to call back to reschedule. I call back and get a machine to which I leave a message in the hopes someone will get back to me soon. I really need to talk to someone, ASAP. I head back up to bed. At 11 my husband comes in, I wake and he goes to pick up our son. I get on the phone and call the appointment line again. Once I reach someone, they say there is nothing available till next week! I know they can hear the desperation in my voice, but there is little they are willing to do. I reschedule for next Tuesday. The only saving grace is that I have an appointment with my primary doctor tomorrow. I have a feeling that will be a long visit.
I stayed in my room, in bed, for the most of the day. Any little thing will set me off like a fire cracker. Noises get on my nerves. Any little question is answered with pure hate. I love my family. I hate for them to see me this way. I hate that they are being treated this way.
I come down and eat dinner with the family. After dinner, we sit down to watch TV and a loud hammering sound is coming from the basement. It is the same little bitch that I called the police on the other night. Apparently, she has gotten permission from the jail bird to cover the hole in the wall from his room to the garage. It is after 8 and my son is in bed. The dog is barking due to all the noise. I go down, and I am pissed to say the least. This little bitch was supposed to come do this during normal hours yesterday. She has the audacity to tell me she has the right to enter my space......just try it.
I am at my wits end. I started smoking again. I feel guilty. I feel alone. I am in so much pain.
The house is quiet now, but I am scared to go to bed. I hate knowing that someone can enter my home at any time. I feel so violated.
I have to find a way out of the situation that I am in. First though.....let's get my brain back in working order.
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